2020 what a year...life as I knew it would change drastically. My family and I went from complaining about what will be for dinner and the everyday hustle and bustle of life to a complete stand still. I went from working 16 hours a day on the frontline to being shut in my bedroom for over a month fighting to breathe and making life decisions for my husband who was put on a ventilator for over a month. My peace of mind as I knew it has been shattered. When this pandemic hit my family, my peace was disturbed.
I thought about the question you asked…. and for me “my peace of mind” kept surfacing...this pandemic has taken me out of my comfort zone. I had to appreciate the peace of mind that I had. Funny thing I never thought about what was irreplaceable to me but reading your letter, has me thinking about it every day. We went from planning to just fighting to stay afloat mentally and to be able to make the decisions to be made. It shakes up your soul.
My daughter had to come home from college to take care of her two parents as well as her grandfather. She needed to stay on top of her studies….to keep not only herself safe but also her grandfather who is 84 years old while I lay sick trying to fight for both my husband and I to get well. She went from this carefree college student to being a caregiver. Becoming totally dependent on someone else didn’t sit well within...what I knew as my peace was disturbed again.
My days were long...tears were plentiful but the amount of support that I received kept me pushing through...my Princeton family...my friends near and far stepped in like an eagle protecting his baby....My Penn Medicine Princeton family not only took care of my husband but they took care of the rest of us....the deliveries poured in....groceries....flowers....gifts....some came to my garage to just see my face to have that peace of mind of seeing me upright out of bed...some went and stood outside of my husband’s hospital room day after day praying for him...holding up written signs to let him know that I was ok and to keep fighting....although my peace of mind was shaken, my support system gave me the strength that I needed to keep digging for strength I never knew I had....
I thought about your question many days and many nights and for me “my peace of mind” is what consumed my thoughts. This pandemic has taken me out of my comfort zone. I had to appreciate the peace of mind that I had.....
Will I ever gain that Peace of Mind again…. ?
Your question came at the right time... it gave me the time to slow down and to think about things…it helped me to put everything into perspective. Without it, there is a part of me that’s missing... I don’t want to feel incomplete...and hear I am almost a year later still not whole but looking at life through a different lens....creating peace of mind with life as I know it now....
Junell W.., 2021